I recently told a friend about my birth mother search. As a new runner herself, she brought up an interesting point. My friend suggested that running may have contributed to my decision to search. She has noticed in her own life that running has helped her to be more adventurous in her life choices. I can see how that is true.
So much of running involves overcoming the “what if’s”. What if I look dumb, what if I can’t run up that hill, what if I come in last, what if I can’t finish…ect., ect., ect. In time you realize that the “what if’s” don’t matter. The “what if’s” don’t get to make the decisions in your life. The “what if’s” don’t win.
Sometimes I role play in my head. For example, let’s answer the “what if’s” I mentioned before:
-What if I look dumb…wouldn’t be the first time.
-What if I can’t run up that hill…then I’ll walk.
-What if I come in last…then I will, oh well. Plus I’ll help all the other runners that were hoping they wouldn’t be last feel better about their run.
-What if I can’t finish…then I will be terribly disappointed & I’ll be glad that I tried.
You learn that each race is different, but still awesome. You learn that the “what if’s” don’t usually happen, but when they do occasionally…..life. goes. on. You do what you have to do & You keep moving forward. You get over the loss & go on to run the next race.
Concerning adoption, I’ve realized that when I was ready for the “what if’s” to be a reality…I was ready to begin my search. For a variety of reasons, it took me 41 years to get to this point. Life’s not just about the wins, but it’s so much about the richness of the journey along the way.
Blessed….thankful…the “what if’s” aren’t so bad after all...
I was so excited about a dream of mine for the future,
that I had to go to sleep to quit dreaming…
Now, that’s a big dream.
…and it IS