Healthy living is a collection of winning moments. Daily decisions that result in ultimate victories. Victory over self, doubts, hurts, obstacles….
I REALLY ENJOY talking about those WINS!
Unfortunately…it also has moments of defeat. Sometimes you have an injury that forces your goals to head in a different direction. Sometimes YOU are the injury. Your own poor choices.
That’s me right now. In an attempt to be “real” with hopes that it will help someone feel “normal”…I will share this temporary defeat.
I feel sad.
I am disappointed in myself.
I have been eating A LOT…I believe it’s because I have used food as a friend for a long time….
I have gained over half of my weight back, I look at pictures from just November…and get aggravated at myself. I was almost there! Almost at the weight I wanted to be at. Now, when I see a picture of myself I’m back to thinking again, “Oh…that’s a bad picture of me.” When in reality…it IS me.
My clothes don’t fit right…again.
I’m a little embarrassed to run…again. I know that’s just in my head. NOBODY notices OR cares what I look like, or if my stomach flab(that was almost gone) jiggles when I run.
It’s not just about weight…it’s about being complete/whole. Nothing missing, nothing broken. Looking to no other source, but Jesus to “complete” me.
I also hear this in my head, “You ran a marathon, and you can’t control what you put in your mouth? What’s wrong with you?”
So, why come so close and then sabotage all my hard work?
I don’t know.
What I do know:
I am loved no matter what I look like, or how I have disappointed myself.
I can start again.
I like the feeling of winning, better than losing. But…part of me doesn’t want to.
Then again…part of me doesn’t want to run…but I do it anyway.
I ran a marathon!
I CAN beat this too 🙂
~Complete in Christ alone~ ❤